It Hurts


My shoulder, that is.

I’ve had this pain from my neck down my shoulder-blade, across the back of my shoulder, and extending to my elbow. It’s like a four-way highway of ache. I mean, I guess I’m thirty-five, but why now? I’ve had this pain for about six weeks now. It’s affected yoga… which is hard on me. Not being able to do many of the poses disintegrates my overall experience in class. Part of what I love about yoga is breaking through and doing things I couldn’t do… now I am limited.

I have been getting massages, but without too much success. It feels better at the time, but nothing permanent.

I ran into a friend of mine that does deep tissue massage therapy and oil massage and he suggested he take a try at it.

Dude worked my left shoulder and neck and right shoulder and anything else that could be connected. He told me I was one of the most tense people he had ever encountered and asked if I held in emotion or tension. I mean, this week, and today in particular, was a little more hectic than usual… but in general, I didn’t think so.

He started telling me that a lot of the tightness and tension is built up from something in the psyche; something in the subconscious that was underlying. I told him I thought I just slept on it the wrong way… but as he continued to try to unkink what was kinked, I realized, maybe he was right and there was more to it.

Many times our bodies give us signals before we can register what they mean. My tension… what was it from? Was it something, much like the physical knots that needed to be released? I think of myself as the type of person that doesn’t really hold back on anything… but am I holding back, and by holding back, am I creating physical tension then causes other tension life and… relationships?

The tension. I’m going to keep getting it worked on, go to acupuncture with jmia, and drink lots of water. In the meantime, I need to figure out why my body is reacting in this way… why it’s gripping so tightly… why I grind my teeth at night, and sleep curled up, and have difficulty with heart and hip opening poses in yoga. What is it that is hurting internally, causing me external physical pain?

No time like the present to start breaking down those kinks and figuring it all out.

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