Watch What They Do, Not What They Say

Yes, watch what they do, not what they say.

My dad used to tell me this in reference to boys. I didn’t believe him at first…. so I ignored it pretty much for the majority of my dating-eligible life.

You see, my witty brain accepted words (especially loving and complimentary ones) as tangible things…  meaning, words and/or phrases from cute boys instantly translated into Shakespearean sonnets-  meant just for me. Their prose hypnotized my only thread of rationality. Words, no matter how large or small, were the key to this cerebral’s heart. Oh yes, I had the sensibilities of Miss Marianne Dashwood.

But something happened. The times my brain ignored my gut and went with my heart, following those lyrical words of magic, I would face the stark verity that words could actual be an empty promise. And too many times, my misguided interests rang like a prophecy of that statement, as I continued to focus on ‘watching’ what they said. Each time I was fixed on the words and not the actions, I would be disappointed. False hopes, promises of amazing adventures and lifetimes together. I did not watch what they did.

You took my heart and you held it in your mouth
And, with a word all my love came rushing out
And, every whisper, it’s the worst, emptied out by a single word
There is a hollow in me now

So I put my faith in something unknown
I’m living on such sweet nothing
But I’m trying to hope with nothing to hold
I’m living on such sweet nothing
And it’s hard to learn, And it’s hard to love
When you’re giving me such sweet nothing

And it’s not enough
To tell me that you care
When, we both know the words are empty air
You give me nothing
– Florence Welch/Calvin Harris Sweet Nothing

A shift happened; call it being jaded, call it being cautious… but it made me, more aware. Words still are the direct access to winning my affections… but I started paying attention. To the actions. Their actions. Those movements in actual space and time that resulted in real progress… that is what I began to notice. It took wisdom, age, maturity and time to take the cliché my father bore into my head… finally, to heart.

As I grow older, I pay less attention to what men say. I just watch what they do.
-Andrew Carnegie

I now see that these clichéd words of wisdom extend far beyond just cute boys by the lockers…


The obvious and main purpose of my pop’s statement was boys. Men. The Gents. I first mentioned this in my blog post, Lessons from My Father. He would tell me “boys are dirt” and “watch what they do, not what they say.” As I mentioned before, I let those boys’ words rule my head and heart. I’ve since learned. No action? Well, then. No nothin’. Yes. ‘Tis true.

I’ve also posted this before- guys are simple.  If a dude wants to be with you… he just will.  And if he just tells you over and over, “I want to be with you, I want to take you here, I want to do this with you….”  and he ain’t doing it? Well, time to move on. Men are so easy when it comes to chicks. Correction:  the right chick. They will do whatever they need to do for that girl. And if they not be doin’- you aren’t the right girl.


I love it when a client tells me they’re ready to go by the end of the month and fourteen months pass. I’ve learned to take what ‘promises’ clients give me with a grain of salt. It ain’t over til the fat lady sings is my theme in my job… because it’s the truth. I don’t get paid unless people are booking. Unless they are taking action. They can tell me all day long that they love my service/product/me etc. but if they’re not taking action on that, my sales suffer. I will be there for them, wait it out with them, help them along… so long as they are showing their commitment through action- signing a contract, attending meetings… I’m believing what I’m seeing, not hearing.


I spoke of how to deal with an LA Flaker before… friends who are there for you take action. They show up to stuff. They respond to you within a reasonable amount of time. People can say all day they are coming to your engagement party, then suddenly bail. I believe people when they show up, are there for me, – they take that kind of action. And I hope I can provide the return.


I think everyone can pretty much agree on this one- no matter your political affiliation. Campaign promises don’t fly anymore… and if you actually think any of those promises are real…. then you’re just a dummy. Action speaks louder than words, bro. Maybe it’s bad action, maybe it’s good action. Any action is when the definition of a particular politician emerges-  and proves what they actually stand for. Action is what makes change.


People can talk about the end of the world all day. I’ll believe it when I see it!

These are just some ways this old saying applies- and it’s a pretty simple concept.
If it isn’t in action- it ain’t happenin’. Did I just coin a new phrase?


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