Ok, the title is a bit misleading. No, I am not an alcoholic, and no, Mai Tais are not my actual friends.
This week I met up with some of my gals for happy hour (happy hour lasted until 1130pm). Not because we were eating and drinking the night away (although there was some eating and drinking going on), but because we were chatting it up until then (yes, there were some Mai Tais present).
As we are all in our thirties now, there were several topics we discussed including (but not limited to):
– Family: family history, family backgrounds, roots, parenting (receiving and giving)
– To freeze or not to freeze, that is the question
– Relationships– is it better to have a guy who’s kind of a dbag but really funny, or a guy who takes care of you that can’t make you laugh (if humor is very important to you)?
– Outgrowing old friends who seem to want to befriend your exes.
So let’s talk about those things now. I’m just going to weigh in with my humble opinion, and yours may be different, I realize. I also know these are things I did not think about in my twenties. Oh, no. In my twenties I was worried about what car I was going to buy that I could leave at the valet of Koi and look super cool. I was also watching Sex and the City with a smirk, thinking, “I love Carrie and the girls and all, but I’m not going to be single and dating when I’m 35.” Oops. So much for my wise old twenties. So let’s dig into the important stuff.
Family: I am finding that… guess what? Your family is with you for life. So they are pretty darn important. They are also the key to who you are -whether you like it or not- as we discussed among Mai Tais, beer, and chocolate bread pudding. I am really excited because I will be traveling to my mom’s native country later this year and every time I go I get this thought of, “oh, I get it now.” There are so many nuances to my personality that are inexplicable, that suddenly the mystery of why-I-move-my-hand-that-way unravels before my very eyes when I’m there among family. Family is 50% of why you are the way you are. The other 50% is distinctly you. If you ever want a greater sense of knowing you and your DNA, go be with family. Not just Mom and/or Pops. Extended family. Cultural family (if you have it). You’ll be surprised just how alike you all are and how much you’ll learn about yourself.
Freezing Eggs: The age “old” question for a woman between ages 32-36. So, one of my lovely friends is quite interested in freezing the ol spheres of life. I understand. By freezing your eggs, you are essentially removing the stress and pressure you could have going into a relationship at this point (read: mid-thirties) in our lives. You can now just focus on being with the right person instead of a sperm donor. Personally, I detest any phrase containing the words ‘biological clock’ and ‘ticking’. C’mon. That is SO overused. Let’s try to be more creative… and maybe more human. I understand the effects of aging on bodies. I understand that you need special tests after 35 if you want a kid. I understand there is a bigger chance you’ll have complications and a smaller chance you’ll actually conceive. Perhaps it is my spiritual side, but I think if a little soul wants to enter this world through my vag he/she will figure it out. And I’ll be available for them if they want to.
Relationships: It’s the age old question- do I want a Willoughby or settle for a Colonel Brandon? I personally think you can have them both- in one person! The women of Sense and Sensibility had to be married off by 15 or 16, so I see why they had to marry quickly. I was getting braces on and getting super happy when a dude smiled at me in front of my locker. However, the ladies in Austen’s era would be cast from society, penniless. It’s just a hair different now. I think if you are patient and believe in a) the universe b) law of attraction c) Jesus d) God e) or a variation of a-d, you can have that person. Just be patient, be yourself, be open. As sweet little Emily Maynard (from the Bachelor, soon to be the new Bachelorette) said, “My Meemaw used to tell me, ‘it’s better to be home alone, than home wishin’ you were alone’.” Ah, deep words, Em’s Meemaw.
Outgrowing old friends: Oh goodness. This topic has come up at least 6 times in the last month with my various friend groups. People change from the time they are 3 years old. They just do. If you still have a bestie from when you were three, congratulations. That is very rare. I still know/am friendly with besties from my past, but our relationships have evolved and changed. If we tried to keep it the same we would still have Kool Aid mustaches. I love my friends now. We evolve together, we add things to each others lives that are so very important. It is good to open up the friend circle. Keeps things a bit less inbred.
Couple of the gals were sharing stories about alleged besties from childhood/years and years who befriended their exes. WTF?! Does that seem batsh&t crazy? I think it is weird for your ‘friend’ to be calling up/setting up other friends/setting up themselves with one of your exes. Especially if they witnessed your heartache. That is jacked. And that is not a friend. Even if you ate worms together.
Whether you are single or married with kids, life in your thirties is really, gettin down and dirty time. You are really getting to know you and what is important to you. There just isn’t enough time in the day to waste on things and people that aren’t important to you. Focus on the things that are- like future/current babies, the right partner, family, good friends, and a good Mai Tai. ♥