I’ve received about four texts/emails/FB messages from various dude friends in the last week. Kinda funny that I haven’t heard from a few of them in a while and all of sudden they are showing up en force.
I have always been friends with guys and girls. Have there been a few exes and ex-daters in that mix? Sure. But most are legitimate guy friends that have been platonic since day one (and by the way, gay dude friends are freebies… this post today is for the heteros out there).
My dude friends are great! They provide some great perspective to things that my girlfriends don’t. I would for sure say my female friends far outweigh my male friends like 5 to 1… so I’m not one of those girls that only has friends who are only guys.
I do find my sarcastic and quick-witted personality tends to fare well among the male set. They give me some great insight on life situations, work situations, relationship situations… keep me in check in reality as far as where I am, who I am… in a different way than a girl would.
They also have been far more successful at setting me up with their guys friends than my girlfriends have… they see a different part of me that I think the girls just aren’t able to.
But with this flurry of activity… I started thinking… as the single girl in this scenario, when is it actually ok to have guy friends… and when it is not?
I’m Single, He’s Single
Since I am single, it doesn’t really cause any harm/foul for me to be meeting up for a beer, checking in, going to lunch or going to yoga with my other single guy friends… no big deal there. No need to worry… I mean, we’re all single here, right?
I’m Single, He’s Taken… With a Friend of Mine
The dude friends I have that are taken or married… well, usually I am friends with their wives/sig others and it’s more a package deal. Maybe some one offs with the dude friend, but much of the time I consider myself friends with the couple as a whole- versus just the dude himself. I think of myself almost like the sister-friend in this scenario.
I’m Single, He’s Taken … With Someone I’ve Never Met
But what about the dude friends who’s wives/gfs I don’t know? The ones who don’t ever try anything, but seriously want to hang out with me for happy hour or lunch?
Being in a more ‘masculine’ job has exposed me to more of these types of dude friends- work-related dude friends- whose families I never meet, but we have great conversations. About life, work, whatever. Like I am another dude friend of theirs. But a girl. Most of the time I strictly have a working relationship. And this relationship is VITALLY important in a client deal. It makes and breaks my pay check, my trust in the client, and my client’s trust in me.
A small handful of these dudes I would consider actual more friends than work colleagues. We have conversations about whatever is happening in our lives. I am very careful not to tread in a way that would harm anyone, but I wonder… when is it OK to have these kind of dude friends and when is it not?
This whole conversation of can guys and girls be friends thing has been going on forever… some of you may recall this You Tube video about it:
Or others, may have to reach farther back to the college scene in When Harry Met Sally.
So yes, I think it is possible to be friends with a guy… because you kind of have to. And because you want to. I am just wondering, do you stop being friends with dudes you’ve been friends with for years when you get married? Or is it more appropriate for you as a couple to be friends with other couples? Just curious. I suppose my ‘guy advice’ would no longer need to come from guy friends at that point… thoughts on what you think of it? Do you get offended if your hubs has a single friend/s that is a girl- or are you ok with it? Is it ok? Interested in hearing your thoughts!
4 thoughts on “Dude Friends”
Pete had several close friends who are/were single girls, some of whom I am close to and others not as much… I don’t think it’s a big deal at all!
Pete’s a Pimp
Yes, I do think it’s ok. My friend Steve and I have known each other since we were 14 & when I go home to Missoula I always make sure I see him and we call each other on our bdays. Charlie does not have an issue with it one bit. Charlie has also traveled to shows with some of our female fighters, he hasn’t given me a reason to worry about it, nor have I had “that feeling” that something isn’t right. He’s friends with a couple of them and im good with it. You’ve written about gut feelings and listening to that little voice in your head, I couldn’t agree more. 🙂
Its all contingent, dont u think? A mutual level of respect for ones relationship should be present and no attraction present, otherwise it grows into trouble!