Vampires Win!

Okay, so Emily is not Bella and doesn’t have fangs. But she does have veneers. Large ones, and let us not forget that.

So we are now in Prague on The Bachelorette, and Prague is kinda vampirish. Gothy. I love Prague. It is probably my most favorite city to visit in Europe.

John the Wolf looking actually kinda fun and cute here. Courtesy

So, another Wolf goes down tonight in Bacheloretteville.

Tonight John “The Wolf” got sent home.

I mean, bleh. He was the most boring bachelor ever. I don’t think he seemed like it at the beginning, but he got more boring and boring as time went on. I think the Wolf has another side to him that will only come out on Bachelor Pad or something.

Side note– since we’re on the topic of Wolves – who else is completely annoyed by the Flo-Rida/Sia song when at the end she says “running with WOOFS, and I’m on the prowl.” WOOFS????!!! Ugh, no one caught that? It’s WOLVES people, woLVes.

Next: Arie

I was not impressed with Emily and her lame game of “what are you keeping from me?” If somethin is botherin’ you Em, you come right up and say it. Don’t make the man play games for y’all- on TV. But eventually, she did, as Chris Harris so eloquently narrated in the most dramatic episode ever.

I began cracking up when they cut to the night scene on the boat, and then DUBBED over Arie’s voice while he was ‘talking’ to Emily with the back of his head toward the camera. They DUBBED that shiz!!! Lol….

Next: Hawt Sean

Dayum. He is hot. He actually makes me want a boyfriend. Or a fiance. Or a fun australian friend. Or something. Ok, I need to step out for a moment.

Next: Doug

O.M.G. Just stop. Stop talking. Stop opening that mouth of yours. While you’re at it, stop crying. Who are you? Do you know who you are? I don’t think so. Nothing is real about you, hon. I suggest you take a break from dating and figure it out. Dating will be a lot more successful for you. And FYI, if you are going to do a spontaneous kiss like that, it better be of Casablanca proportions, otherwise, I would be embarrassed by that sad attempt too.

Crazy Chris

Next: Crazy Chris

Psycho!! He reminds me of the kid in elementary school that used to stalk/call me on the phone and I would have my Dad answer it and tell him to stop calling me. Chris is that kid. Super nerdy and finally got a hot chick to like him and he thinks that makes him the bomb. His last-ditch or I like to call dance for your life (I also love So You Think You Can Dance) was hard to watch. Grow the f up dood!

America, F Yeah

Next: Jef

Jef is the adult version of a Justin Bieber. Yum. I am a little concerned as is reporting that he is a total playa and crushes a lot. Like he is a PLAY-YA. I hope not. His little character on TV is so endearing. The puppets? Are you kidding me? He was so good at it. It was kinda creepy though- like a puppet role-play á la Team America style. F-yeah.

My only negative on Jef is the number of “likes”- this ain’t FB bro, it’s your every day speech. Stop using like. Maybe he’ll notice it watching these episodes. Like a recording of his public speaking for critique.

I know I’m a bit harsh, but they are subjecting themselves to reality TV- all is fair in reality TV world!


8 thoughts on “Vampires Win!

  1. You never cease to crack me up, this is hilarious and spot on. These guys are painful to watch at times. Veneers, veneers, veneers, oh my. She’s so beautiful, but those are some teeth. The guy that she kicked out a couple of weeks ago (Kalen), I can’t remember his name, he called her daughter baggage. He is going to be on Bachelor Pad which starts July 23rd. 🙂

      1. It was the last thing Jef said to her when they were kissing on the library floor. I hope she got up right after to look up what he meant 😛

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