I’m Still Here

Last post, I wrote about everything being OK no matter the outcome. That if the ‘house’ or the ‘guy’ or the ‘job’ or whatever wasn’t something meant for me… it wouldn’t be.

I heard back on that place- that place that every one of my Disney hopes, wishes and dreams wanted as my future home… and I didn’t get it. Not by a long shot. After I had put in my offer, another twelve offers came in. And of them, more than half were all cash. And of those, the chicken dinner winner was all cash and significantly over asking.

I did everything I could. What I had to offer couldn’t compete, and that is a tough pill to swallow- especially when I believe you can do anything you want if you want it badly enough and take the steps to secure it.

I’m not gonna lie and say I was able to brush this one off like I did the other fourteen I have already put in offers for. This one hurt. Broke my heart, even. It seriously is like getting dumped. Because you pour yourself into it- I wrote a letter about myself and my hopes that was deeply personal… and they were crushed… for cash. Money wins. Again.

So, here are my options. I am emotionally spent, my credit information has now floated around to fifteen different entities (which as a private person is tough for me), and I just don’t know how to win this game. I’ve changed realtors, I’ve offered up creative solutions, increased my down payments, offered over asking, written letters… I just don’t know what else I can do… but wait.

What does that mean? I’ll just keep saving until I am one of those that offers all cash. That’s probably going to take five years, at least. Maybe I’ll rock it in the next couple years and speed it up, but paying in all cash does come with a benefit- no mortgage. Or perhaps there will actually be enough inventory for normal people who don’t have a half mil lying around under mattresses at some point.

The thing is this. I lose a piece of myself every time I reach out and give it my all. I’m depleted. I need to recharge the battery and pour energy into other people, things and places that at this moment in time- will yield better returns. I haven’t given up forever, I think the fifteen-offers point is a good time to take a long, needed break.

That is what I’m going to do: wait. And funnily enough, as I paralleled my house hunt with my love life in the last post, I do it again here. I’m going to just focus on myself until the right thing comes along, and the opportunity is one I can actually, realistically grab.

And I will continue to explore, travel, evolve into my best self. Until that one shows up too. Where geography and timing and other excuses cease to exist. Because the thing is, even if I haven’t gotten the house or the guy… I’m still here. I’m still standing. I still have so many things to be grateful for.

But man, that f&*@ing sucks (about the place)!!!!