Self Realization 6: Dude, I’m a Dude

‘Half-Drag’ is a project by photographer Leland Bobbé.

Well, not physically speaking. I am straight up a girl. I am actually fairly petite and slim with curves. Let’s just get that out of the way. Not that that’s a bad or good thing- it’s just not me. I’m a chick all the way in that regard. But mentally, I am mannish.

I went beach-biking with my married friends D&K, although, instead of K, one of D’s friends came along. So it was me and two guys. D wanted to know all the latest in my life, so I filled him in. And we all concluded by the end of our conversation… I’m one of the guys. Here’s how it breaks down.

Exhibit A: Sports knowledge.

Although my professional sports team knowledge is limited, I do enjoy watching and attending games. Where I win the orange pie is in college sports- particularly NCAA Pac-12 football. March Madness is my other favorite sports event of the year (it’s rapidly approaching, people!). My arch-nemesis in life is Oregon, but since they are Chip-less, I think we can not worry about that anymore. Ugh, see? I’m a dude.

Exhibit B: Date in multiples, with limited (held back) emotion.

Most of my girlfriends can’t really comprehend this dating in multiples thing. I actually love it. It takes the pressure off everyone, I don’t get obsessed, I don’t stress- it’s all fun. I’m open with everyone about everything, so if someone wants out- they can go. If someone wants to step it up, by all means, I’m willing to see what they’ve got and drop the rest. Everyone knows about everyone and I keep it all in the open. Every dude I’ve run this by seems cool with it. Yeah, I’m a dude.

Exhibit C: DIY.

Lawn needs mowing? I do it. Some light repainting? Yeah, me. IKEA bookshelf. Got it. Toolbox. Yes. Power tools, also a check there. I take out the trash, I move furniture. I change the batteries in the smoke detector. Granted, I live by myself. But I don’t hire anyone. Once in awhile, like when my water heater busted, I didn’t know what to do, so I called my neighbor Jim. But for the most part- I’m Mr. Fixit. Wait, Ms. Fixit.

Exhibit D: Keep out of the kitchen.

I think this came from my time as a kid. We’d go to Grandma’s house or wherever, and the lady folk would cook away, while the men folk would chat, watch TV, play a game, in the living room or out in the yard. Somehow, my brother and I always ended up with my Dad and wherever he went. I never helped out in the kitchen. I think one of my aunts scolded me one time for not setting the table or something. This year, on Superbowl Sunday, all of the wives/ladies went out on the porch. I stayed in and watched the game. When Beyoncé came on, the ladies came in. When Beyoncé finished her last rump shake, the ladies promptly left. I stayed the whole time. Yes. Dude.

Exhibit E: Masculine career.

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I’m in sales. There are a lot of women in sales, but I’ll tell you what… it’s still a good ol boys network out there. I think people are taken aback by my directness, but my most loyal fans are all… dudes. My customers love that I just tell them like it is. I have some female fans too- but those ladies? Also dudettes like me.

Exhibit F: Straightforward.

I definitely speak from the right-hand side.

I know that I just say stuff sometimes. Girls take offense. And sensitive boys take offense. But men? Love it. Communication is easy and clear when I’m straightforward- whether in work, dating or life in general. Dude talk comes easy to me.

Exhibit G: Independent

This is another one where there’s a lot more female participation. Part of why I have a hard time finding a guy is because I am a DIY. I do things on my own. I just get them done. I don’t wait for someone to buy a house for me- I go and try to buy the house. I don’t seek someone to pay for my shoes- I just sell something in my job and buy the damn shoes. I am the breadwinner. I am the ‘societal dude’.

Exhibit H: I have a mandrobe.

I had a friend of mine take a look at my closet once, and I realized all my clothes in general were in gray, black or white colors. Maybe some navy or brown in there. Suits galore. Hardly any skirts. Or prints. Uh, hello, man wardrobe?

————-

Each of these individually wouldn’t necessarily mean that I am more dude-centric… it’s the combination of all of them that makes me this way. Just imagine reading all these things and not knowing I was female. Would you think it was a dude I was describing?

I realize all this dudeness is the basis for my stalwart personality… and why I need a super confident partner in life. I’m a strong girl. I like to think that I am feminine in a lot of ways… and I think I am, but holy cow, I seriously hang with the boys.

The truth?  I am a girl. I have more girlfriends than guy friends. I’ve been trying to integrate more colors into my outfits. Like wearing more pink. I’ve been trying to let go of some of this independence and let people do things for me. I am exploring cooking, and being more tactful in my conversation. Basically, attempting to be more of a ladylike version of myself.

So, I’m a guy’s girl.

The thing is, there are some cool potential romantic guys out there that actually embrace all of this, and just their presence makes me feel like the girl. They treat me. They do things for me. They are strong enough to overcome my strength. They are just so confident in themselves-  it becomes man enough for both the of us- and that is ultimately where I’d like to be… the girl!!

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7 thoughts on “Self Realization 6: Dude, I’m a Dude

  1. any other aspects that left unmentioned is cuz they influenced my opinion but it would’v felt like repeating what u just said

    this is what think of what u said
    1- ur strong enough to handle ur self
    2- u have interest in sports and it gives u a nice dose of adrenalin every now and then

    3- u don’t like over dressing or standing out cuz ur already out there supporting the open book attitude and the direct approach with the smart touch of not over sharing or stepping boundaries , also i sense that u value ur comfort when looking for a new piece not to mention that u hate any thing that wont go will with at least tow or three of ur outfit “wearing it once is not an option i guess ” and that explains ur attires choices

    4- the fact that u have a feminine body combined with ur line of work shows how confident u r and reflect how comfortable ur with ur self

    5- knowing what u want and being gullible is a gr8 quality that u have , ur “multiple dating style ” is not an option for feeble souls and delicate hearts .. u need to have a strong personalty , a good communication skills , sharp control over ur “ships” and an open mind ..

    here is what i think about every thing
    men these days r not what they used to be
    they r indulged , pampered , weak , and self centered

    women these days r no better than them
    they r shallow , weak , self centered and gooey

    now for some reason women used to stronger than they r today
    and so were men

    what happened that would fuck up every one like that ? i have no idea

    but let me tell u this … ur as normal and special as they come

    and the fact that there is only a few men out there who deserve being with such
    unique being like you is sad
    i hope u fined someone can share ur life with happily ever after sooner than later

    lama ..

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