Dearest Oregon Duck Fan…

Dearest Oregon Duck Fan,

I’m writing to you today because I want to help you.
I do. I’m all about spiritual calm, love and happiness.

I know you probably don’t think you need my help- but you do.

See, I don’t think you are aware as to why the majority of all other college football fans in America despise you.

I know you think it is because everyone is jealous of your sparkling record and dominating football team… but I am here to give you some tough love-  that’s not why we don’t like you.

The truth of the matter? No one has any respect for you. Listen closely. I’m not saying no one has respect for the football team… we do. What I am saying is this:

No one has any respect for YOU, THE FAN.

Yep, you and Rodney Dangerfield live in a nice cozy bungalow together on the mighty Willamette River.

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This is probably new news to you. But that is why I am here. To break it down for you. And hopefully, by reading this letter, you’ll have gleaned and absorbed what advice I’ve offered, taken note, and fully gained the respect that you should have and that your football team does deserve.

You ready to listen up?

THE FACTS

Let’s face the facts here. I’m gonna tell it to you straight. You are awful fans. And it’s not just the Pacific Northwest or Pac-12 who think you are the spawn of the devil. Nationally, Oregon was ranked in the top five worst fans in college football. Or I should say, rudest fan bases in the nation. Here, you can check it out for yourself:

Bleacher Report 25 Rudest Fanbases

And here’s another one that put you at #4:

Football National Worst College Fans

Yes, I said NATIONAL ranking. Out of 124 NCAA-Division 1A football teams (and fanbases). These aren’t my numbers, these are theirs. Or check out this amazing article regarding Duck Fans by Phil Caldwell.

Sports Illustrated also conducted a poll in 2009 (back then it was Pac 10) that also shows Oregon as the rudest fan base AND the least polite- within the Pac-10.

I mean…. what can I say… even if you don’t believe me, well, you have been nationally recognized as belonging to the worst of the worst. The first step in healing is getting over denial… just admit it, you’re awful, and we can move forward.

THE TEAM

Now onto the good news. Your team is amazing. You have a great team. The numbers, the games show it.

The offense has been described in almost every article out there as “speedy.” Dem Ducks got wheels. This is in thanks to the Chipper’s spread offense, Mariota (only a freshman!), and running backs Kenjon Barner and De’Anthony Thomas.

In fact, twenty of Oregon’s thirty-three touchdown drives this season took less than two minutes, and eleven took less than one. Oregon is the nation’s fourth-ranked team in scoring average at 52.4 points, sixth in rushing average with 303 yards, and seventh in total offense with 550.6 yards a game (NBC.com).

As a bonus, all the good press is finally educating most of America on how to say the word ‘Oregon’ correctly. Isn’t that sad when your own country can’t even pronounce your name? This can only be a good thing for you.

So there you go. Your team’s got talent. Congratulations. That still doesn’t make you the bomb diggity. Here’s why.

THE LEGEND, THE PRESTIGE, THE CLOUT

Your team is good right now. That is something to be proud of. But guess what- your team has only been good for five years. Five years. Think of all five year-olds that you know. They are tiny. Five. You have limited ranking history other than those five years. And while it is very exciting, you are just entering kindergarten.

How cute is this kindergartener? SO cute. http://www.treyhaun.com

Do you see what I’m saying here?

You are wanting the respect and clout and voice of a team that has a long-storied history. And you just don’t have it. You have the school history (your school was founded in 1876), but not the wins. Your current All-Time Record is 592-470-46 (0.555). Not bad. But guess what- everyone else in the Pac-12 (except WSU and OSU) has fared better:

TEAM Wins Loss Tie % Years Total Games
Southern California  779 313 54 0.7033 118 1146
Washington 670 418 50 0.6107 122 1138
Arizona State 561 356 24 0.6089 99 941
Colorado 674 452 36 0.5955 122 1162
Utah 623 428 31 0.5901 118 1082
UCLA 555 381 37 0.58941 93 973
Arizona 565 423 33 0.5695 108 1021
Stanford 582 435 49 0.5689 105 1066
California  655 500 52 0.5642 119 1207
OREGON 592 470 46 0.5551 116 1108
Washington State 497 517 45 0.4906 116 1059
Oregon State 502 547 50 0.4795 115 1099

Even Colorado and Utah have you beat. Ouch. You need to earn your place among legends. Not off of five years. It would also help if you could win a National Championship. Then we might take you seriously.

Yeah, so about that:

PAC-12 TEAMS WITH NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TITLES

Southern California – 11
California – 5
Washington – 2
Stanford – 1
UCLA – 1
Colorado – 1
Oregon State – 0
Washington State – 0
Arizona – 0
Arizona State – 0
Utah – 0
OREGON – DUCK EGG (0)

The good news is that you can/will gain some respect over time if you keep this up. But all this disgusting fan behavior… the obnoxiousness of a USC fan isn’t yours for the taking. USC earned that right to be obnoxious- you didn’t. So you have no reason to be the a$$hole fan yet. Get it? You need to earn it.

Five years and no national win are keeping you out of this exclusive club of smug arrogance. All you need to do is win a National Championship or two and get yourself up the Pac-12 All-Time ladder. Then we’ll allow your behavior.

THE CORPORATE GREED

People are wary of anyone who gets free handouts. People are also wary of big corporate greed. Enter Nike, and you have both. Now, this isn’t really your fault.  I mean, you can’t help the uniform and locker room situation.

Money rules the world and it’s no different in Track Town USA. Corporate excess in a time of a recession is just unattractive all around. Flaunting corporate excess in a time of recession? Even worse. So… not much you can do there. Just know it doesn’t help your cred factor.

THE MASCOT

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Your original mascot was “The Webfoots”. I agree that Duck is a much better choice. Cute, even.

Now, I know you all love to say that your mascot is Donald Duck. I mean, why not start the children young? It worked for Joe Camel. Disney+babies are a winning combination. Oh wait, say what?  Disney has since parted ways? But why?

“The move comes on the heels of the UO clamping down on the mascot’s behavior after the mascot late last year posed in a rap video produced by a trio of Duck football fans. In another high-profile episode, the Duck mascot in 2007 roughed up a rival mascot at a football game.” – Oregon Live

Oh man,  happiest place on earth doesn’t even want to have anything to do with your Donald knock-off. And neither do we. We do however, love this guy.. bring him back, please:

THE SCANDALS

What team who’s ever been good is without scandal? I mean, what is a USC Trojan team without a fleeing Pete Carroll? What’s a Miami team without 2 Live Crew?

Reggie Bu$h. http://www.espn.com

Yeah, so you paid some people off. I mean, isn’t that how the big boys do it? The only thing is … you lost some respect points there. Cheaters are not hot. Trust me on this one.

So, now that we’ve established why you don’t have a Webbed foot to stand on… how can we remedy this?

HOW TO KEEP IT CLASSY

Don’t Resort to Childish Behavior

Stop throwing beer bottles at people’s heads. That’s just wrong. Or picking fights. No one enjoys that. No one.

Have Good Sportsmanship

Even your own school has a code of “Conduckt” because they are aware of your behavior. They did a four-month study to analyze this. As a result, you have a HOTLINE for bad behavior. A hotline, Duck Fans!!

Spectators will be encouraged to text the ConDUCKt hotline at 222-9121 to report any violations of stadium guidelines to event staff. The text line will be active 90 minutes prior to kickoff of each home football game and until approximately 30 following its conclusion.

Yes, this is from your OWN school.

Just be good sports fans. Be good winners, be good losers. Stanford is the perfect example of this, if you need a mentor.

Be Creative

People are over “Huck the Fuskies” and whatever other tired brilliance you’ve attempted to use the last five years. Yeah, it worked in 2006. It’s now 2012. Let’s move onto something  a little more creative. I know you can come up with something… hell, you came up with this sick amazing Gangnam video (although why did you bleep out the word ‘sexy’? Does it not exist in your vocabulary?)…  See, Ducks, I believe in you.

.

Be More Engaging

I know how much you just love to shut it down. Like if someone has a positive statement about ANY OTHER TEAM at all having a chance against you, you say something like, “Yeah, no.” Or “Nope, not going to happen.” And just shut ‘er down. No engaging back and forth, no nuthin. Ending communication with another person is the worst thing you could do. And remember, you have no clout, so it just looks and sounds silly and immature.

Lighten up! volnation.com

The rest of College-America fandom is usually up for a bit of fun-poking. You can’t seem to handle it. You dish it like no one’s business, but can’t take it when someone comes back at you- hence shutting it down. Learn to debate healthfully- it’s fun and gets your fellow collegiate fans engaged.

You know what is so ironic about it all? Your 2011 UO Debate Team took home the National Championship. And in the early 1900′s, the UO debate team hosted events to help fund the football program at Oregon. LEARN FROM THEM. They know how to debate and know how to win National Championships. Plus, we’ll respect you more for it. And isn’t that what we’re trying to accomplish here?

I don’t expect to win against you this weekend, but I’ll still be a good sport about it because I see the bigger picture for my team and the overall fun that college football should be. So hopefully you’ve learned some humility lessons here today, and when you’re ready, we’ll be waiting for you- whether you win a national championship or (most likely) not.

Here’s to hoping we can all be friends one day,

Miss Husky Fan

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26 thoughts on “Dearest Oregon Duck Fan…

  1. Great post as always but I am even more amazed at how you’re always able to find the perfect image to illustrate your points – like this last picture of the husky hugging a duck.

  2. How do you find the exact picture… Like the one with the puzzle pieces that look like they fit but they don’t? Does it take forever? But you always have so many pictures? How do you find the time to find these pictures and write the blog typo free and hilarious and relevant? Are you fueled by seaweed?

  3. Perfect post. I totally agree and I’m going to repost this on my fb for all my Duck fan friends to see! 🙂

  4. This is what I love about Huskies! Great article. Gotta love this youtube clip too showing the difference between Ducks and Huskies.

    • I’ll give y’all props on this one for sure! However, you and about 10 other Ducks emailed/facebooked/texted me the same video because….. I think that’s all ya got 😉 I already know Huskies have lost the last eight games to UO, there’s no doubt that the TEAM rocks! But this article is more focused on the fans themselves. But thanks for the video (again)!

    • What an interception that happened 16 years ago isn’t the difference between the Huskies and the ducks. The difference is one team leads the overall series. One team has multiple Rose Bowl (as well as other bowl game) wins and One team has won 2 National Championships….and the other doesn’t.

  5. So the rudest fans come from Alabama, LSU, West Virginia, Ohio State, Oregon, Wisconsin, and Florida. Hmmm, what do all of these programs have in common? Oh, that’s right, they have been winning. So perhaps it’s not about a teams fan, but more about the behavior of 18-22 year kids when they attending a school with a successful football team. They sell out football games, drink more, and with drinking comes bad behavior. I’m sure we will see this behavior from the Husky fan base in the next 10 or 20 years.

    • Good points to which I agree. Although, all other schools you’ve mentioned also have more championship history than Oregon… Alabama with an impressive 14 National Titles, LSU with 3, Ohio State with 7, Wisconsin has 1, and let’s not forget Florida with 3 National Championships. The only team in your list to match Oregon is the #1 worst fan- WVU. Thanks for pointing this out!

      • You sure have a narrow definition of success. Given you are talking about the rudest fans today not sure why it is relevant to discuss games that have happened more than a decade ago. Husky logic I guess.

        Since you agree that winning increases the likelihood of a team being rude, I’m sure you noticed UW fans were 13 on that list. If UW ever wins more than 8 games and makes a BCS bowl this century I can only imagine where they will end up. Hey, I guess they will at least return to the top 5 in something.

        • Not really what i was getting at, but if that’s what you’ve extracted and taken the time to write me a note about- I’ll take it!

          Not sure what list you are referring to where Huskies are #13 on rude fanbases (Arkansas was #13), I’m not going to say there aren’t rude Husky fans too, I’m just open to admitting it. There are aholes everywhere you go. UO just has more of a rep in the college world than some others, and I wish there were a reason for it- that’s all.

          I gotta say, you’ve been the best Duck debater I’ve met so far! Thanks for the (finally) positive experience, I was hoping to find some Ducks like you out there.

  6. Nice write up. Refreshing to hear the truth; That even such a devout member of dog nation can be so enamored with our team –

    “Your team is amazing. You have a great team.”

    Glad we can count you as a Duck (team) fan, even if you’re not a fan “fan” or whatever you said.

  7. Despite your condescending back-handed compliments obviously rooted from losing 8 games in a row to a team you used to dominate, to say that somehow you feel no apathy towards my university is not just absurd but downright disingenuous. When a team loses to another team 8 years in a row, one can’t help but find other things to make themselves feel better. We won national championships, more rosebowls, our university has better academics that you. whoop see doo!! whatever helps you sleep at night sweetheart. The things that you have just said are all true..so what? We beat you 8 years in a row. Once again we are going to kick your ass this Saturday and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. So go ahead and just brush it aside as a bunch of immature pricks apparently not even worthy to act like assholes yet. Maybe we’ll never win a championship or rosebowls or hell, we might even lose to the beavers and never win the pac 12 again. I’ll just take solace in the fact that the Ducks beating you for the ninth consecutive time will somehow get your panties in a twist. I bet you next year after we beat you for the tenth time you’ll go apeshit..

  8. This is the most beautiful piece of writing I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Finally, someone took the time to explain all of my feelings about the worst thing in the world, the UO and its fans (not worst school, worst person, place, or thing). I think I love you.

  9. When was the last time you attended a game as a Washington fan at Autzen stadium? I was at the game tonight and I heard some F the huskies and that nonsence but saw more politeness then rudeness by far. so are you just saying all this based on a bleacher report list? Or from personal experience?

    Also if this is directed at the fans why post anything about wins and loses. And not winning a National championship is something Oregon fans hear from Husky fans all the time, the Ducks are better now by far why does something that happend more then a decade ago matter today.

    Two more things, the pac-12 ladder and again no national championship, The Ducks have won more pac-12 championships then anyone and everyone combined that has to be worth something.

    And last I 100% agree “Be More Engaging” Duck fans do need to work on not being so blind to other talent across the country, I get sick of people saying “DeAnthony should win heisman hands down” yeah he is a great player and can explode any time but his 70yrd average is not the best in the country.” I wish more Duck fans were able to talk football and still love the Ducks.

    • Thanks, Larry! Appreciate the comments. Last time in Autzen- 1999. A girlfriend landed in the ER when someone decided to chuck a full beer bottle at her head while we were standing around. That was my last experience and I opted not to return again. Little too much like Dodger stadium on a Giant’s game night! I’m sure banning alcohol in the stadiums probably have helped things too.

  10. As a long-time (50+ years) Duck fan, I am saddened and embarrassed by the growing number of abusive “fans” that have jumped on the Duck bandwagon as our on-field success has grown. There is no excuse for their immature and abusive behavior.
    The vast majority of our fans love their team, respect their opponents and keep the perspective that this is just a game. And that is true of Husky fans and players, too.
    Unfortunately, most of the attention goes to those who are immature and act as jerks, causing the other side to stereotype the opposing team and their fans with a broad brush.
    Both sides can cite examples of behavior that they abhor, including last night’s personal fouls and unsportsmanlike conduct when emotions and frustration cause behavior outside the rules of the game.
    Also, many Dawg fans don’t like Chip Kelly, with his East Coast brashness. But he has created a strong team with a great work ethic, as has Steve Sarkisian. Outside of Oregon, most people are not aware that he also annually goes out of his way to honor the military by recognizing them at the spring game and visiting the troops in Afghanistan.
    Just because someone cheers for another team, or has different political view, does not call for us to demonize them, as often occurs in this day and age.
    I appreciate your views, and those of other Husky comments, and can only hope that my apologies are accepted for the stupid behavior by some of my fellow Duck fans.
    Thanks, and good luck with the Trojans next week. We’ll see you again in your beautiful new stadium on Lake Washington next year!

    • Ok, BudDuck, you are officially my new favorite Duck fan!!! I def think the softies in Seattle probably do think Chip a little brash, but he’s doing some good things there without a doubt. Thanks for the post!

        • Miss Husky Fan
          Enjoyed your trip down memory lane. Loyal support of our college teams go back to even our fathers and grandfathers. That’s what makes watching and rooting on our college team so much more fun. It’s not about how rude or load we can be it’s all about enjoying the game How the past history of rivalry games seep into our bones. Although the schools began playing each other in 1900, the rivalry became heated in 1948, when Oregon and the University of California tied for the best record in the Pacific Coast Conference. The winner of the PCC, as is today with the Pac-12, would go on to play in the Rose Bowl. The tiebreaker format the PCC elected to use was that the championship team be elected by the schools. In the PCC there were 10 teams, 6 of them were in the northwest and the other 4 in California, so it was assumed that Oregon would be the team playing in the Rose Bowl. Instead California was voted champion of the PCC because the University of Washington had talked the University of Montana, then a member of the PCC, into voting for California, something that has not been forgotten by Oregon fans
          Within the last 60 years the rivalry has grown between the two fanbases. In 1962, Larry Hill, of Oregon, was tackled by Washington fans who had rushed onto the field while he was trying to catch the game winning touchdown. In 1995, Washington head coach, Jim Lambright, lobbied for the Huskies to be selected to play in the Cotton Bowl instead of the Ducks. He was unsuccessful however. Seattle Post Intelligencer columnist Bud Withers wrote that Lambright’s actions “invited at least another half-century worth of bile from Oregon fans.”
          The rivalry was given a boost, at least in Oregon eyes, when former Colorado Buffaloes head coach Rick Neuheisel was named head coach of Washington in 1999. The Ducks victory in 2000 spoiled an otherwise undefeated season for the Neuheisel’s Huskies. Since 1993 the Ducks have dominated 14–5 (.737), including a current streak of nine straight (2004–12), the longest by either side in the series.
          Love you and your Dad, Uncle Duck

          • Uncle Duck- I’m lovin’ the history- thanks for sharing! I remember growing up not actually noticing the Ducks at all- Washington State was the “enemy.” It wasn’t until my visits to Autzen when I changed my mind on the fans…. WSU fans weren’t the brightest, but they definitely were better sports about winning/losing. No one I know had objects/fists/bodies/bottles/food thrown at them in Pullman!! 🙂 The only analogy I can really come up with- UO fans remind me of Dodger or Raiders fans. Same type of energy.

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